It’s pouring millions of raindrops from the decently bright sky and Jud is braving it alone in the windings of the cemetery; her attempt of preparing for the 10km SCB run in Dec later this year. In a cap. *grinz* I hope the cold will stay away from her.

Thinking back, this is the first entry ever since 4 yrs ago. I had started out on a journey to blog the joys of my new found relationship with the ex. Needless to say, such blind optimism was a tell-tale sign of a blind love. Of course it ran headlong into a rollercoaster of unnecessary emotions and pain; and finally into a wake-up call. And the rest is history.

Since then, I have been idling around, being comfortable with where I am and basically forgetting my goals. Of late though, there has been a great sense of dissatisfaction and confusion, tons of un-centered feelings and a great wonder of what I have been doing all these while. Experiences at work has brought me into a strange stage of insecurity instead of confidence, frustrations that leaves me speechless instead of motivations. Dissatisfactions instead of deep restful sleep. I question the value of the people I am working with. I do not question their personal morality but the existence of work ethics and moralities. Secretly, I feel my sense of urgency for contribution to the team is of no necessity as there is not much of a team goal to begin with. I no longer see it as my duty to be involved in improving the groundwork. Of course, it sounds easy to throw my dissatisfactions to the faults of my surrounding and blame everyone else. And then again, it is very easy to accuse me of so. I have my faults too. But that said, so be it as a sense of nonchalant is what I need to develop. To hell with what others think! *chucklez*

Goal 1: 1 temporary staff+2 permanent staff; departure Feb 09-Mar 09.
Goal 2: Smile at everything and develop nonchalance.
Goal 3: Quit problem-solving for others.
Goal 4: Suck the blood out of everyone haha…kidding.

In any case, I just need to keep my faith in God and believe in myself as He believes in me. With that, I can fulfil my goals

wiggle ~~~ waggle